I Can't Remember
by Glaistig
Summary: "L didn't say anything, didn't even whisper a comforting shush, for which Light was grateful. That would have made it so much worse." A oneshot. LxLight.


_**A/N: A small oneshot. First fanfiction I'm posting here.**_

_**Disclaimer: Death Note is not my property.**_

_**Warnings: LxLight pairing. It's intimate but not at all obscene.**_

_**Length: 1418 words, a little over 4 pages.**_

**I Can't Remember**

It happened again, this time for the third night in a row.

The first time Light awoke to the sounds of someone crying, he had been confused. The person sounded so pitiful and anguished, he felt strangely desperate. Light sat up in bed, quickly. He remembered looking around wildly, trying to find the crying someone. There was no one in the room though, save L, who was looking at Light with concerned eyes from his bed, which was a mere two feet away from Light's.

L wetted his lips and spoke, "Light…?" It was a question, a question for him. Probably it meant L wanted to know if he heard the crying as well, and if he could see where it was coming from.

Who could be crying? L stood up from his bed and started walking towards Light cautiously. The chain connecting the two of them clanked quietly as it followed L. "Light…?" L asked again, resting a hand on Light's bed and leaning down so that their eyes were level.

Light looked at L's concerned expression. L really seemed to be worried about the crying person as well.

They looked at each other a moment. Then L slowly reached out a hand to touch his shoulder. That was when Light realized. _The one crying… it's me._

It was him who was sobbing those pitiful, anguished cries. Now that he took stock of the situation, he realized he was trembling badly. He reached up a hand to touch his face, and yes, he was crying as well. He felt horrible, desperate and terrified without knowing the reason. He pushed L's hand away, and pulled his knees to his chest.

"L, what… what happened?" His voice shook as he asked the question.

L frowned. "I was going to ask Light-kun the same question." Light looked beseechingly over at L, shaking and vulnerable, tears still wetting his face. L elaborated, "Light-kun began making noises in his sleep, which I ignored at first, than they gradually became more… Well, I grew worried and was about to wake Light-kun."

"I was… was making… noises?"

"Yes. It sounded as though Light-kun was having an nightmare."

"Oh." Light said, and continued shaking.

L moved himself so that he was sitting cross-legged on the bed next to Light. "Can Light-kun recall what it was he was dreaming of?"

Light shook his head, gasping from the painful catch in his throat. "I can't remember. I…. I can't remember at all."

"Oh." L said. It was quiet except for Light's plaintive whimpering as L sat awkwardly at the side of the trembling boy. L mentally counted to a hundred. Light had not quieted. L moved so that he was facing towards Light and away from the headboard. Tentatively, L once more extended a hand and placed it gently on Light's shoulder. This time he was not shaken off.

Light wasn't entirely sure how it got to it, but somehow he had ended up going through the rest of his sobbing enveloped in L's arms, pressed against L's strong body. L held Light securely against his chest, both arms wrapped around him tightly. Light's head rested underneath L's chin and he clutched at the fabric of L's white nightshirt with both hands, dampening it as the sobs wracked through his body. L didn't say anything, didn't even whisper a comforting shush, for which Light was grateful. That would have made it so much worse. Gradually, the crying quieted to sniffling, which quieted to silence, so that Light merely sat limply in L's embrace, quaking from the force of his emotional onslaught.

When he was still and had taken a few deep, steadying breaths, he pushed himself out of L's arms and looked away, embarrassed. L looked at him worriedly a moment, then dropped his arms and stood up. "I'll let Light-kun get some rest then," he said kindly and went back over to his own bed, to lie staring at the ceiling as he had been before Light awoke.

Light curled in a ball under the covers, thinking that he couldn't possibly fall asleep now. Whatever that dream had been, he was afraid to sleep now. A part of him wished for L's arms again. The other part firmly pushed this idea away. Despite his worries however, Light dropped back into an uneasy sleep soon after, exhausted from the entire experience.

Neither of them brought it up the next day, nor the day after that one and both those nights passed uneventfully. The third night though, Light awoke again, anguished, frightened, and sobbing. Once more L held Light until Light pushed him away. This happened two more nights. The fifth time Light didn't push L away after he had quieted. Instead he relaxed against L's chest and they sat immobile for several minutes before L made to move back. Light gripped at L's damp nightshirt and looked pleadingly up at him.

L tilted his head to the side slightly, somewhat confused. "Shall I stay with Light-kun tonight?" He inquired.

"If… if you don't mind… Ryuzaki," Light murmured weakly, looking away, unable to maintain eye contact with the detective.

As an answer, L maneuvered both of them under the bedcovers and adjusted his arms so that Light would be comfortable lying in them. Soothed, Light soon fell peacefully asleep.

Now, Light awoke, shivering with cryptic emotion, for the third night in a row that week. He wasn't even sure how many times he had woken up in this manner anymore. Where was L? Light stumbled out of his bed towards L's bed, the chain jangling with his jerky movements. It was rare that L was asleep during the night, but when he was, Light simply went over to his bed.

"L…?" He asked anxiously, shaking L's shoulder and rousing him from slumber. L immediately took stock of the situation, and didn't hesitate to pull Light protectively into his arms. Light curled against the detective, sitting meekly in his lap. Light cried convulsively and L held him.

After Light had stilled and they'd moved under the covers of L's bed, Light broke the silence, breaking their unspoken agreement never to speak of the reoccurring nightmares. "Why can I never remember, L?" He asked quietly, desperately.

"Light-kun still does not remember then?" L asked softly.

"Not a thing."

"Hmm."

"L, have you some idea about it?" Light asked, sure he had heard something in the noise.

"No, not at all."

It was quiet a moment, then, "You're lying. You do think something of it."

"Light-kun is making something of nothing."

"L!"

"Fine, then. Light-kun would rather not hear what I think on the matter. It would only upset him and he has already been upset tonight."

"Regardless, I would like to hear what you think on the matter."

"No."

"Yes."

"No,"

"Yes."

"No."

A slight hesitation, then, "Please?"

L sighed, "If Light-kun insists. But remember I did say you would not like what I say." He paused for a moment before continuing, "I believe that Light-kun does not remember being Kira."

Light stiffened and both of them were quiet, then "I'm not Kira."

"Perhaps not at the moment."

"I never was Kira," Light whispered fiercely.

"Light-kun does not remember, no, cannot remember, for some reason or another, being Kira."

"I can't be Kira. I would remember something like that," Light insisted.

"Light-kun would remember?" L asked.

"I…"

"Light-kun doesn't remember what he has been dreaming of. Light-kun can't remember."

There was silence for five heartbeats, then, "I can't remember," Light murmured weakly. Miserably, he crept closer to L, who held him still. They were quiet for a while. Light thought about L's words. They frightened him.

L spoke. "Would Light-kun like to sleep in my bed with me?"

"Aren't I doing that?" Light frowned.

"I was suggesting every night," L responded.

The offer hung in the air a moment, "Sure. I guess that would be more efficient."

"My thoughts precisely."

The two lapsed into silence once more. Light was comforted by L's proposal. Whatever else, it seemed L did have some concern at least for his wellbeing. He nestled securely against the man's warm body. With L, he felt so strangely safe.

Light realized, before he drifted off, that really, he didn't want to remember. He was afraid to. He couldn't remember the dream, but it felt cold and dangerous to him. He wished he could simply remain in L's arms, where it felt warm and secure.

_**A/N: I wanted to write about L comforting Light. I didn't want to do something very complicated that would involve plot, and stuff like fear of thunderstorms or darkness really doesn't seem to fit with Light's personality. So I decided Light doesn't get a solid reason to freak out. Thank you for reading and I would love any feedback.**_


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